bored with your husband

Someone asked what should they do – they were bored with their husband. At first I didn’t know what to suggest – I’m a husband myself, and so what would I know about these issues? Then I decided to give it some thoughts and offer them here. You don’t have to take my comments to heart, you could click off…

First, you’re bored. Lucky you. I’m so envious. Boredom means you don’t have to take any responsibility for whatever situation you find yourself in. Teens often claim to be bored. They are. They’re spoonfed and don’t have to worry about where the next meal’s coming from, and they didn’t have to clean up after the last. Lucky them. When I hear someone is bored I’m envious. I’m not bored with dining out – it’s a meal I can just sit down and enjoy – someone else has done every single step – I just have to enjoy it. That’s pretty thrilling to me, actually, and still a treat.

Stop playing the ennui card, darling, you’re not that precious.

If you and your husband were working on a project together you wouldn’t be bored. Find out something you want to do together and do it. Sell off all your pointless and unimpressive crap and use it to fund your charitable project saving the children from illiteracy or malnutrition or disease. In other words, do something impressive and worthwhile. Make a contribution of your heart – something other than the cheap way out – money. There’s a link on the right hand side of this blog to Trevor Romain’s blog. I’m not sure if there is a Mrs Romain, but I imagine she doesn’t find her husband boring.

You’re bored with your husband. Why? Because you know everything about him, right? Of course you do. Write down 100 things about him, using not less than 500 words per thing. Can you get beyond 10 things? It’s not that’s he’s so all-fired boring, it’s that you can’t write. Don’t sit there reading this blog, get off your grand canyon and take a writing course. If you have managed to reach 100 things, bind up the book and give it to him as a gift. Send a copy off to the local university and see if you can get credit for a Masters or PhD.

You can’t be bothered? Too much like work? Of course. You’d have to give up being bored and participate and goodness knows, we couldn’t have that now, could we?

In truth, you might think you know someone, but you don’t. Oh, you do. You’re special. Good for you. Get out your paper and pencils and draw 100 portraits of your husband from memory. Develop the best 25 into paintings, frame them, and get some public exhibition space and hang one on. Have a grand opening, and invite your husband along.

Make a series of cds of your husband’s top 100 favorite songs, in order. You know what they all are because you’re bored with him. Better still, write and record 100 songs in honour of his bordeom. If you sing them in country and western style they’ll be great. To count you’ll need to hear them played on the radio. Don’t stop until you do.

Write a blog about how earthshatteringly boring he is. Don’t you dare miss a day. If there’s really nothing to say about him, write about him morning, noon, and night. A year later there’d better be not less than 365 postings. Why wait, most blogs allow you to post retro, so you could blog his boredom for the last year. That’d be impressive. Promote your book and music there.

Write about the dreams he has left. Write about the dreams he had when you first met. Write about the dreams he left behind when you first met. Write about how you helped him achieve some dreams and how you worked together to reset bigger goals as the smaller ones were achieved. Write about how you’re working together to achieve new meaningful goals, for your good and the good of humanity at large. You have worked together to achieve his dreams haven’t you? Keeping out of his way and popping another chocolate in your mouth isn’t working together to achieve his dreams, by the way. Write about what you did when you achieved goals and dreams together.

Write about what attracted you to him in the first place. Could it be that you were perfectly matched? A human is just a gene’s way of making a new gene. You were attracted because your genes wanted to get together with his genes…

When you’ve done all this, write a book and teach some classes on how to deal with boredom caused by your husband. Start locally, but don’t stop until you’ve taught both nationwide and not less than five countries where they don’t speak your language and you have to use a translator. Promote your classes through your blog.

And at the end of all the creativity, beauty, and work you’ve done for meaningful charities, if you think your husband is still gob-smackingly boring and you just can’t stand it any more, why don’t you take some of the money you’ve made from selling the portraits and drawings, and the royalties from the books you’ve written and promoted so wonderfully in your blog and through your classes, and you’re now all famous and probably not as boring as YOU once were, and spend some of the money on the man who made it all possible for you in the first instance?

Don’t try and reform him. Buy him a lawyer and some freedom. He deserves it for putting up with you.

 

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