Walking along Lambton Quay at lunch time I was diverted by a sign in a window that said ‘Ask about our new loyalty plan’. I was somewhat distracted by trying to figure out if it was possible to have a new loyalty plan, because loyalty suggests old – or at least being involved with some sense of time passing and then I wondered about how would I have written the sign to more completely capture the fact that the old loyalty plan had been upgraded – assuming that it had – and that perhaps it might’ve been better to say ‘extra rewards for loyal customers’ but maybe there weren’t extra rewards, it was just the same old come-on but now dressed in this season’s wolf clothing…
…and all the time feeling guilty because perhaps they wanted me to rush in and bellow, “Tell me about your new loyalty plan!’ Boy, would I have felt foolish, because I would’ve been a new customer, because although I’ve bought from them before they’ve never mentioned any loyalty plan before. In fact they’ve been a bit snippy because I’ve proffered my student card for discount. You can see the look – ‘what kind of old fart has a student card?’
And thus, engaged in this futile thinking I narrowly avoided falling over one of the many mantraps set along Lambton Quay for the unwary blind and the loyalty advert rewriters. This trap said: ‘Enjoy the sun with a salad, a warp, a sandwich’.
It was a late lunch time, I wondered if the sandwiches were warped, or whether it was a wrap garnished with dyslexia.
I didn’t stop to ask.
It was late, and the landing party needed to get back to the office.
Ahead warp 5, Mr Sulu.