internet ‘service’+customer ‘service’= Ø

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We have a cable modem ‘net access, supposedly giving us high speed internet. It’s a bit like the girl with a curl – when it’s good it’s ok, when it’s bad it’s non-existent. This morning it went down just after 12. I know this because I was just trying to get the last everything sent/posted etc before hitting the sack. This evening I spend 90 minutes waiting for the technical support, who, of course are under-staffed, over-worked, and people who spend their time with angry idiots who’ve waited 90 minutes listening to KennyG or some other shite.

Here’s some advice to TelstraClearParadise cable modem users:

  • Write crucial stuff – i.e. everything – off line, and then you can save it and post or send it later – nothing gets lost.
  • Before you ring the help desk, turn the modem off at the wall, turn your wireless router (if you have one) off at the wall, and turn off the computer.
  • Go make yourself a nice hot cup of coffee, or a particularly delicious cup of tea. Relax a little.
  • Take a sip of your drink, and turn the modem on. Wait until the four green lights are all nice and stable.
  • Do a little tai chi, write a post card, have another sip.
  • Turn the wireless router on if you have one, otherwise, balance your chequebook, using roman numerals.
  • When the lights look stable and the router seems to be talking to the modem (flishy-flashy lights and the orange light is on), turn on your computer.

    • At this point you will either have ‘net access back, or you’ll have a nice drink and be calm, ready to spend the next valuable part of your life waiting for the help desk to answer. You’ll be able to say to the desk that you’ve done the restart thing, and allowed a full time for the modem/router to cycle down.

    Advice to TelstraClearParadise: how about giving the above advice in the phone message that drones on telling me I have at least 60 minutes to wait? I know it’s a long message, but I’ve got 60 minutes to hear it. If I had heard it I wouldn’t have need it to wait 90 minutes to have the techdude talk down to me. I had restarted the modem twice last night and twice again when I got home from work. It’s possible/probable I didn’t leave it long enough between the power down and restart. The phone message did say to cycle the modem – I did – four times, but obviously not enough – I missed the crucial make a cup of tea step.

    TelstraClearParadise – you’re supposed to be a communications company. Can I suggest that if you gave a better message people would be able to get the modem going again themselves. It’s not that hard, it’s not that expensive to record a decent message. You wouldn’t have to put up with people hanging around for 90 minutes, and your help desk people wouldn’t have to put up with angry callers and you wouldn’t have to hire more help desk people and you wouldn’t get people like me writing about how crap your service is. And, it’s not as though this is the first time…

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